Here is a link to the
outline.
While looking at the outline you will probably notice that one section is
blue and another is
red. It is to signify which section I thought was the
strongest and
weakest. (Sections in this case meaning paragraphs in the essay).
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| Source:https://www.flickr.com/photos/iragelb/5611594783 |
In regards to the overall organizational quality of the essay, I would say it is very good. As far as I can tell, the topic sentences relate back to the thesis (in a way.) Although, the topic sentence of section V seems more to relate back to the previous paragraph, not the the thesis. Also, it should be noted that some paragraphs come across (to me at least) as redundant. I thought
section II was particularly strong. Main reason is that it provides some of the best example-explanation, as well as lack of redundancy.
Section III on the other hand is the weakest in my opinion. It basically repeats what the second paragraph says, except it is being said by a different person. It feels like it can be easily worked into the first paragraph, which is something that bothers me the most.
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